After my previous post on Twitter wanting to trademark the word "tweet", I was sent a draft letter from someone inside Twitter. They apparently already have their sights set and ready to go upon approval of the trademark.
To Estate of Michael Jackson:
Twitter, Inc. ("Twitter") is the owner of United States Federal Trademark Registration(s) No. XXXXX and *numerous other trademark registrations pertaining to the mark. Twitter uses this mark in the United States in conjunction with anything related to anything attempting to emulate bulletin boards or CompuServe chat rooms. Twitter's federal registration has been in full retro-effect for over 150 years. Twitter owns the word "tweet" as well as the domain name twitter.com, which is an operating website free for anyone to use but not talk about directly unless promoting the site itself.
Twitter recently discovered that the Michael Jackson Estate has been using the word "tweet" within "Rockin’ Robin", a song sung by the late Mr. Jackson. By putting forth the time-honored practice of applying vague legislation to any and everything, Twitter believes "Rockin’ Robin" violates the the Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998, the Anticybersquatting Consumer Protection Act of 1999, and several well-known principles of ornithology. Furthermore, the Michael Jackson Estate is intentionally trading on the goodwill of Twitter by using a trademark that is confusingly dissimilar to the sounds actual birds make, which are more like "chirps".
It is clear that the Michael Jackson Estate’s use of "tweet" is intended to confuse and misdirect trendy hipsters who desperately seek peer approval in Twitter's social network. This activity is actionable under federal law and causes the Michael Jackson Estate to be liable to Twitter in every state in which the Michael Jackson Estate promotes rocking, robins, and songs that won’t stop looping endlessly in the minds of listeners. The Michael Jackson Estate’s activities are unlawful and constitute unfair connotations and wordsquatting.
Twitter acknowledges the fact previous incarnations of "Rockin’ Robin" exist. However, Twitter also recognizes in the incredible PR buzz surrounding the death of Mr. Jackson and believes that Bobby Day’s Estate is a bloodless turnip.
Twitter prefers to resolve this matter without taking legal action, but has already filed a lawsuit and sent out no less than two hundred press releases announcing said suit. The Michael Jackson Estate may avoid legal action by having an authorized representative of the Michael Jackson Estate pay an assload (a.k.a. shitload) of money to Twitter upon receipt of this letter.
The undersigned covenants to take the following actions immediately: (i) transfer any and all rights of the undersigned to Twitter: master recordings of "Rockin’ Robin" and Mr. Jackson’s actual vocal chords; and (ii) cease and desist from using "tweet" or any other words beginning with "tw" whether actual or totally made up.
Dated: __________________, 20XX
the Michael Jackson Estate
By:_________________________
Its:_________________________
(thanks to KEYTLAW)
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